More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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