I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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