Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
