She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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