I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
