i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
