we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
