sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
