the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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