im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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