Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize