oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
