I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
