I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
