If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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