There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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