Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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