I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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