College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
