how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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