I hate all girls vehemently.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
