Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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