You just made me feel so damn special
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
