Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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