So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
