Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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