HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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