didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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