My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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