I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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