apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize