You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
