You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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