Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
