I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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