She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
