he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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