So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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