Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
