i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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