I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
