Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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