I hope mine doesn't look like that
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
