The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
