Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
