I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
