upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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