i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
