A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
