your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
