Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
