God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
