Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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