the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
