just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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