I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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