don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
