In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
