Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to make out with him forever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
