just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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