Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
