i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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